The overwhelming feeling of gloom and dread is undeniable.



The thought of returning to that place for 5 full days, and to face those... people. I hate it. I don't understand it. I can't go past these... emotions.



It snowballs, you see. After that bloody incident, my moral suffered, my confidence destroyed. I'm devolved into this... frail, weak, helpless little whelp. And I can't help it. I can't seem to overthrow this persona. This side of me that shows up everytime he is oppressed. And I know, very well, this side of me probably tires the people around me, even, it seems, for my allies. It tires me as well. I know I have to keep my chin up, or nothing will ever change. But, like I said, its overwhelming. And I don't know if I have it in me to carry on.



I feel weak. And bullied. I feel like an outcast. I AM an outcast. I think differently from the rest and they hate me for my beliefs. They hate that I don't play ball. They're very concerned

***

Monday, 01/02/2010, 02:23 am

Eventually, you moved on. You got into the system, understood it. It wasn't easy. People still hound at you for that unforgettable incident. But the important thing is, you survived.

Sure, you felt lousy. But things worked out for the better. God... He took care of you.

You know, life, no matter where you are, always has its share of problems. Pain is always prevalent. You can't avoid it. In fact, you shouldn't avoid it. It is the peseverance that you practice through pain that makes you stronger.

Come on, your OK now. Don't be so cynical, so negative. You'll be fine. Just... Enjoy each day as it comes, cause you can never recapture your lost days.

Sure, some days seem to drag, and some days you want it to end as quickly as possible, but these are the days that you grow.

So, grow.