Contentedly disgruntled

Contentedly disgruntled... yes that's what i am. Don't know what it is? Read a dictionary for crying out loud. It means the shit comes in drips and drops now and when it hits you you just wipe it off, shrug off the, erm, shitty feeling, and carry on.

Cause its taboo to say things are going fine. If i allow myself a little bit more optimism, i'll say that. But as it stands, im still in ASLC, and i'll be here for a little while more.

Largely, i'm just sick of being a trainee. See, a trainee is not much different from a recruit. You get yelled and screamed at, you get pushed around, you get told how to wipe your ass, dig your nose, spit, etc.

Whatever. I don't care.

Let's talk about a girl.

See, this girl makes me happy. She doesn't know it. But she does. It could be a simple message. Or just a smile from her coming my way. Or just a glance. I'll be happy. It's all puppy dog and love-notes-passed-around-the-class kinda thing. But at least, i don't feel as shitty anymore.

I like this kind of attention. This kind of affection. It's very cool. Very nice. It makes me feel important. Like i'm someone. Because right now, i'm shit.

But because it's puppy dog and all that, it's pointless to go on unless i have something substantial. Otherwise, i'll start saying shit like, "she completes me," or "she's my life". You know.

We'll just have to sit tight and see how it goes then. (Who is this "We"?!)