The cat's out of the bag...

To 3 people. Meow, meow, meow.

One, a man in a relationship. He, being a man after God's heart, will understand how pursuing a Godly relationship is like. His advice and counsel will be most valuable.

Another, her best friend. Well, need I say more? She was the one who enlightened me how SHE feels for me: that she regards me merely as a friend. Which was expected, which, by God's grace, I was able to recieve calmly. More on this later.

Finally, my close friend. Someone I can pour out to, someone I can find release.

She treats me as a friend. Should I be broken? Nay, I say. She is still my friend! Indeed, I treasure our friendship. That she should smile and talk to me, I am contented. True, I do desire intimacy with her, but giving in to these desires would only jeopardize my friendship with her. It would make things awkward between us, and, that is a strict no-no.

I pray to God each day to keep my motives pure. I pray my motivation to be nice to her stems only from my desire to see her happy, not for any sinful or selfish self-gratification. Let me focus not on her physical beauty (of which she can surely boast of), but of these:

Her strength, her optimism and her enthusiasm to live this Godly life; these endears me greatly to her. Her kindness and gentleness, given by God to accentuate her womanly charms. Her sensitivity to the pain within others, her encouraging spirit. Her persistence and calmness in the face of adversity.

She is my friend. And if all she wants from is friendship, then I say: God be praised. If her heart does go to another, yet again I will say: God be praised. It is God's divine will, of which is good and perfect, of which I should have the utmost faith in. May this man who takes her be able to respect her and cherish her and provide for her... So unlike me, a wastrel, so undeserving of her.

Coming back, telling people my feelings is risky business. Though these are people I trust, accidents do happen. There must be preparation for the day she comes to the knowledge that I adore her. There might be a confrontation. What do I say then?

"Yeah. I do like you. Your kind, gentle, passionate... You inspire me to live better, you know? I've seen how strong you can be and how much capacity of love you have for others. I'm truly blessed to know you, and I'm delighted to have you as a friend. I can't deny, I want more than that, but you know what? I want to respect you. If it makes you happy that we are friends, I say: Praise God. If your heart belongs to another, I say: Praise God. That's why I didn't pursue you. That's why I didn't want to tell you how I felt. I'm blessed enough that you talk to me, smile at me. I was praying all these while for God to keep my motives pure. I can't help but be nice to you, because I truly desire you to be happy, nothing else.

My greatest fear is losing you as a friend. I hope things won't get awkward between us, but I think it'll be... Just... don't be a stranger to me ok? God will sort out my thoughts I'm sure.

OK?"