It's hard to figure out...

I don't get it.

I dread army. I hate it. I hate how it takes away your freedom. I hate the hiearchy and how strong it stands out. Most of all, I hate how the authority figures have the absolute say in everything.

I don't get it.

The way we're treated, it gives us a feeling that we are insignificant and small. Just by a word, someone with sufficient rank can say something and it must happen, regardless of anything. Some of these people have education, most of them don't. They most definitely don't have people skills, knowledge of how to manage people. They're too consumed with power. They're power-tripping everyday. What they feel is right, is law.

Do these commanders, these so-called leaders even know how to lead? What training do they go through? True, in a combat field, absolute obedience to orders is a must to be able to get a unit to accomplish its objectives faster. I do agree that this obedience must be trained, it must be cultivated.

But surely a line must be drawn. In peacetime, in times of training, is there no avenue of response for soldiers of lower rank? Are we to put absolute trust in these so-called leaders? Are they capable of making correct, informed, intelligent decisions?

Yet...

This is all born from anger. All this rage.. All this hate.. And I should know better. It's never nice to feel hate. Going through 2 years of your life filled with hate... It's pointless...

I've given up hope on the army. It is an organization I'm waiting earnestly to leave. There is no value-add in there, what can be learned in there are what can also be learned outside.

Yet, I do not want to hate it. I just don't want to be emotionally affected by it anymore. Not anymore. I'll be a ghost, a zombie. I will neither contribute, nor will I shirk from my responsibilities. I will neither put in effort, or slack off. I will do what is required, nothing more, nothing less.

It is a mean feat. But I do hope in the process, I do these things devoid of emotion. I will not hate the practices, I will not dread the hardships, and I know I won't be able to ever have the ability to enjoy what I'm doing.

It's over. I'm just waiting.